Holiday Triggers & How to Stay Grounded When Old Patterns Come Up
The holidays have a way of bringing out both the best in us and the parts we thought we’d outgrown. For many, it can feel like the season flips a switch. Suddenly we’re around family, old routines, old expectations, old memories — and before we know it, patterns we haven’t seen in months start showing up again. It seems like suddenly all of that hard work you’ve been doing to honor your boundaries and communicate better just goes completely out the window. And when those old patterns show up, it can feel frustrating. You start wondering why you’re reacting this way again or why the work you’ve done suddenly feels harder to access.
You’re not imagining it. Holidays can be deeply triggering. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because this time of year pulls us back into environments and dynamics that shaped our earliest ways of coping even before we had the chance to parent ourselves into etter, healthier coping skills.
If you feel anxious, tense, overwhelmed, shut down, irritable, overly responsible, or like you “should be” happier than you are when you spend the holidays around family, you’re not alone and there’s certainly nothing wrong with you. You’re just being reminded of old emotional blueprints.
This is one of the toughest conversations I have qith clients this time of year, so today I want to help you understand why this happens and how you can stay grounded through it.
Why Holidays Trigger Us
Unfortunately, the holiday season is a perfect storm for emotional activation because…
🚩 Old relational patterns resurface
Spending time with family can put you back in roles you no longer play in your everyday life.
Maybe you were the peacekeeper, the helper, the scapegoat, the strong one, the overachiever, or the “easy child.” Even if you’ve grown, healed, and outgrown those roles, people may still expect you to play the part, and frustration with that is normal.
Your mind might know you’ve changed, but your body remembers who you had to be. You get to choose differently though.
🚩 Expectations increase
There’s pressure to feel grateful, festive, social, and emotionally available all the time to appease others.
When your internal world doesn’t match what’s expected, guilt and shame can kick in quickly.
🚩 Comparison gets louder
People love to use the holidays as an excuse to gloat or create the perfect “Instagram-worthy” moment of their picture-perfect family.
Seeing other people’s “perfect” traditions, relationships, or finances can make you feel behind or inadequate, even if you’re doing the best you can. It’s no wonder so many people feel overwhelmed this time of year — the pressure to “look happy” can be louder than the space to actually be human.
🚩 Your nervous system gets overstimulated
Travel, shopping, noise, crowds, disrupted routines — they all challenge our ability to regulate our emotions, especially if you’re already stressed or burnt out.
So if you’ve been more reactive, drained, or on edge lately, there’s a real reason for it.
🚩 Old wounds can feel fresh again
Loss, conflict, strained relationships, or unmet childhood needs can often hit harder this time of year.
It’s a reminder that healing isn’t linear, and and you don’t have to be “over it” just because time has passed..
None of this means you’re “failing” at the holidays or that you’re a “bad person” for not falling in line with everyone else; Your mind and body are simply responding to familiar stressors.
Grounding Practices You Can Use This Holiday Season
So how do you actually stay grounded when the holiday triggers hit? When your chest tightens, your patience thins out, and those old patterns start pulling at you? Grounding isn’t about pushing your feelings away or pretending you’re not affected. It’s about creating small moments of awareness and safety in your body, even when the environment around you feels chaotic.
These simple practices can help you reconnect with yourself when things feel overwhelming:
Create micro-moments of space
Step into another room. Go for a quick walk. Sit outside for two minutes. These tiny breaks help your nervous system recalibrate before your emotions take over.
Others may try to shame you for this, but it is important to remind yourself that you’re not being dramatic for needing space. You’re giving your body a chance to feel safe again so you can respond instead of react.
Name what’s happening
When you feel activated, your brain shifts into survival mode. A simple statement like, “my body thinks I’m unsafe, but I’m okay” helps your system settle.
Keep your statements rooted in truth of what is happening in the moment — not the past, not the “what ifs,” just what’s real right now. This is how you gently pull yourself back into regulation.
Don’t engage right away
If you feel defensive, overwhelmed, or activated, pause before responding. You don’t need to answer immediately. You don’t need to match anyone’s energy.
A grounded response is always better than a fast one. Taking a moment helps you respond from clarity instead of old patterns.
Lower the emotional bar
You don’t have to be joyful, talkative, or “on.” Being present enough is still presence.
Lowering your “emotional bar” takes the pressure off and keeps you connected to yourself instead of trying to perform for the room.
Release the need to fix everyone else’s energy
You’re allowed to let people be responsible for their own emotions.
Nobody is in charge of regulating your emotions, just as you are not in charge of regulating anyone else’s.
Keep something familiar nearby
A playlist, a drink you like, a grounding object, a repeating phrase — anything that helps you anchor back into yourself.
This gives you something steady to lean on when everything around you feels unpredictable. It’s a reminder that you can always come back to yourself.
Remember that leaving is an option
You can take space, leave early, decline something, or come late. Permission doesn’t have to be earned.
And if it helps, have an exit plan ahead of time. This might look like getting your own place to stay instead of relying on family or friends, driving separately so you can leave when you need to, or making sure your car isn’t blocked in. You can also prepare a simple, respectful line to use if things become escalated, such as: “I don’t feel comfortable anymore, so I’m going to head out.”
If this season feels heavy or complicated, it doesn’t mean you’re losing progress, that you’re back to your “old self”, or you’ll always be stuck in your “old ways”. What it means is that you’re noticing your patterns more clearly. You’re uncomfortable because you know that the real you doesn’t live in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The real you is strong and powerful and individuated from the family dynamic.
Remember that awareness is growth. Slowing down is growth. Choosing differently, even one percent of the time, is growth.
You’re allowed to honor your needs without explaining them. You’re allowed to protect your peace. You’re allowed to show up in a way that feels real, not perfect.
Final Thoughts
This month, when you feel triggered or overwhelmed by family dynamics, holiday plans, gift exchanges, or anything else that stirs something inside you, pause and check in. Ask yourself: “What do I need to feel grounded right now — not for the whole season, just for today?” That one question can anchor you back into yourself when everything around you feels loud. Let your energy guide you, not the pressure to show up perfectly.
And if you want help navigating the emotional heaviness that comes with this time of year, whether it’s boundaries, stress, old patterns, or simply staying connected to yourself, I’m here. My coaching sessions are designed to help you slow down, understand your triggers, and build the kind of internal stability that doesn’t disappear when life gets messy.
If you’re ready to feel more regulated, supported, and confident in how you move through challenging seasons, I’d love to help. At Soul Ascension Coaching, I work with clients to rebuild self-trust, break unhelpful patterns, and create the kind of emotional grounding that supports real, sustainable change.
Book your free consultation with me by clicking HERE and filling out the information on my contact page + follow @lifecoachirelynn on Instagram + TikTok for more grounded reflections, emotional wellness tools, and support on your growth journey.
Take care of yourself this season. You deserve softness, steadiness, and space to breathe.
